Jul 3, 2011

Well, isn't that special

Posted by Jan on Sunday, July 03, 2011 with No comments
For the last week, I have been thinking about the fact that I am coming up to the year anniversary of this blog. And I have been wondering what I might say if I was to commemorate it.

You know of course that I could not not recognize it. Because then I would be ignoring something that I consider to be an extension of me, and my readers and commenters who embrace my silliness (thank you). That's not who I am now. A year ago, I could have easily ignored me, like I have done for so long in my life, and put everyone else's needs ahead of mine. That has changed. Now I do put "me" in the equation. I realize I must take care of me first before I can take care of anyone else. It doesn't mean I am selfish like I used to think it was. It just means I am better at being in the moment with others if I have made sure that my needs have been met.

A year ago I was quite a mess, really. I knew everything I needed to do, but to sort through the spaghetti noodles of emotions was nearly impossible on my own. So I enlisted the help of the best therapist (I swear to the universe, she is) and she has truly become a life coach of sorts for me. Menopause can be a bitch for some women. Combine it with PTSD and it kicked my friggin' ass to Timbuktu.

I was so lost that I thought being "up the creek" might have been a better alternative
I have discovered so many cool things about me and I am in such a better place now because I understand me better. With my therapists help, I understand the false belief systems I had, how they molded me and where they came from. And I am learning on how I can break down those belief systems. As I tear down a crippling belief system, so many doors open up. I can feel the fresh air of opportunity sweep me away. It's an awesome feeling.

This blog is mainly about physical health and fitness. I knew that I would never place in a race because I have never been a fast runner. It's not my goal. I just have slow twitch muscles. But I do have a lot of endurance (mainly because I hate quitting). So my goal is to avoid a "DNF". I knew I would never bike race because I have a fear of really getting hurt (did anybody see Saturday's Tour de France bike pileup? Yeah, no thanks...).

But I do love going fast, fast, fast on the bike trail. So I just try to break my fastest time on the trail or set a new personal MPH record (which is 26.2).  I knew that I could lift some heavy duty weights for a woman, but I am not doing it to get "ripped". I just want to maintain my strength and bone density so I can remain highly active as I get older (and still be wearing a bikini at the age of 70+)

I am doing the variety of physical fitness things because 1) I lost 35 lbs in the last year and I want to keep it that way (and I am still slowly losing) 2) I never want to smoke another cigarette (I have been smoke free for 14 months ~ not one, even when I have had too many adult beverages) 3) I feel so much more confident about myself now that I look and feel fitter 4) I am absolutely convinced that exercise contributes greatly to a better emotional and mental health state 5) It does natural (and I feel measurable) wonders for menopause 6) I actually achieved the goal of being in a size 6 or smaller for a whole year! (half kidding about that one...) 7) The variety of physical fitness activities is a huge secret ingredient in the success of weight-loss, especially for someone like me with ADHD 8) I love feeling superior...


I cannot tell you how many people have told me that I look younger and look happier in the last month or so. But it's true. I feel it. I can see it. I feel the worst of the storm is finally over. That isn't to say that there won't be occasional showers and I am sure a hurricane will track right over me. But I have my weather predicting tools, I have my periwinkle rain boots and I have my storm shelter with a rock solid foundation now to provide me the best protection to get to the next sunny day.

So I would like to thank you, my blog readers and commenters, because you have been in integral part to this whole process. You have been part of the healing. I always look forward to the comments, your insights and most of all, your humor. We are all in this together and you all make the path so much sweeter to walk.

Happy Anniversary!


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